Philippians 4:1-4 | How to Disagree Well
Throughout the letter, Paul urged his readers to unity. In chapter 1, he prayed their love might abound more and more (1:9) as they stood firm in one spirit and of one mind (1:27). In chapter 2, he urged them to be one in spirit and purpose (2:2). In chapter 3, he reminded them of their shared citizenship in heaven (3:20). And now here in chapter 4, he gets right to the point about the problem in the church. He wants to address a disagreement among them.
So, this passage is about Christian relationships. It shows the difference Jesus and his gospel makes among us. Let’s read it now.
1 Therefore, my brothers, whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm thus in the Lord, my beloved.
2 I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. 3 Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.
4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.
C.S. Lewis used a phrase I think about a lot: chronological snobbery. He meant we tend to look at people of the past and turn our noses up at them because, I mean, look at us, we’ve come so far. But I think it’s also true in reverse when we look at the early church. We’re the degenerate ones now. We say things like, “I want a New Testament church.” There is some merit to that. The early church was magnificent. But that doesn’t mean they were inherently better than us. This passage is a good example.
Paul had to address a problem. Two women couldn’t agree on something. We don’t know what it was, but the disagreement was so big it was threatening the church’s unity at the very time when they needed it most. Instead of standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel (1:27), they were bickering and fighting. Paul urged them to stop. And without taking sides in the disagreement, he marshaled the rest of the church to help these women come together in the Lord because whatever their disagreement was, it was not bigger than the wrap-around reality of their salvation in Christ and his mission for them in this dying world.
So, Paul entreated them to agree. He asked for the church to help. Because there was some rejoicing to do, and they needed to get on with it.
We have three points today:
The gospel gives us something to agree on that’s bigger than our disagreements.
Jesus’s grace makes us all helpers in making peace.
When all else fails, rejoicing in Jesus is our point of agreement.
The gospel gives us something to agree on that’s bigger than our disagreements
We don’t know what the disagreement was between these two ladies in Philippi. But that doesn’t matter. We can fill in the blanks with our own experiences. We know what disagreements are like, and many of us know all too well the kind of disruption a deep disagreement inside a church can have.
Here’s an important truth. How we deal with disagreements shows what we believe way deep down about the primacy and sufficiency of the gospel of Jesus Christ. And how we help others navigate disagreements shows what we believe way deep down about the unity and uniqueness of Christ’s church. Are our disagreements just a step on the path to our inevitable separation or are they an opportunity to, by faith, let Jesus unify the un-unifiable?
In his book, The Mark of a Christian, Francis Schaeffer said, “In the midst of the world, in the midst of our present culture, Jesus is giving a right to the world. Upon his authority, he gives the world the right to judge whether you and I are born-again Christians on the basis of our observable love toward all Christians.”
In other words, what’s at stake in our life together inside the church is nothing less than the glory of God before the watching world. Our relationships really matter. Jesus says they do. And because they matter, he puts little passages like this in our Bible to help us see how we can move closer together when everything is pushing us further apart. How we handle our disagreements shows the watching world what we really think about Jesus and the kind of reconciliation he offers in the gospel.
I wonder how many stories of church injuries due to disagreements you’ve heard. How many have you experienced? What’s the solution? The solution cannot be withdrawal or retreat. Leaving the church will not make your life or anyone else’s life better. Separating the believer from the family only increases the pain.
The only solution is a commitment to loving the way Christ loves. That means we love even when we don’t feel it. We love even when we disagree. We love because we promised to and because it isn’t based on our feelings but on the promise that Christ gives—to overcome our sin by his grace and unite us despite our differences. In Christ, our differences—including our disagreements—are not points of separation but proof of his unifying glory.
Thankfully, I’m not aware of any deep disagreements causing unrest within Refuge. May the Lord keep it so. But many churches are struggling right now. We’re fresh off an election cycle. It’s never pretty, but this time around, it felt more intense. Both candidates received more votes than any other candidate in our nation’s history, which means two sides (including Christians) stand on opposite ends and their number is not small. Seventy million-plus on each side. Our country is—and many churches are—bitterly divided right down the political middle, and as we look to the future, some see hope and others see despair, and even if we’re on the hopeful side, we’re just four years away from another potential disruption.
And as if the election wasn’t enough, we also have COVID-19 raging through our country, separating families and friends as we’re forced to quarantine and social distance. But we’re not satisfied with an illness, are we? No, we have to mix in a bit of disagreement on mask-wearing and proper protocols to the elixir of suffering and isolation. Isn’t it amazing? When something terrible rushes in, standing together in agreement is not our default. We love to disagree. It drives us. It motivates us. It riles us up and gets us moving toward the post button on social media to find like-minded friends and “own” our dim-witted enemies.
We find disagreement everywhere. Fox News vs. CNN. Republicans vs. Democrats. Maskers vs. Anti-maskers. Public school vs. Private school vs. Home school. Jordan vs. LeBron. University of Tennessee vs. Alabama (as if that’s a real rivalry). We don’t even care what it is. We will disagree and argue over anything. My kids can’t even agree on a pizza place on Friday night. It’s deeply in us to seek disagreement and fight on that front until we win.
Why do we do that? Because we all have very sincere beliefs. The reason you disagree and are willing to stand on one side against another is because things deeply matter to you. And, of course, there are things in this world worthy of our deep disagreement and our most courageous and ardent fight. For example, when the gospel is truly at stake, it’s worth fighting for. When wolves slip in in sheep’s clothing, spreading heresy against Jesus Christ and his cleansing blood, that’s worth going to battle over. But how many of our disagreements reach that level? How many will we even still care about in twenty years?
Here’s the real danger. It’s not our disagreements. It’s possible to disagree and remain close to one another. We know that. The real danger is fighting the wrong battle with the same intensity that should be used only for the right battle. We see this in the Pharisees of the New Testament. What was their problem? They loved God. Jesus was God. How could they not then love him? I’ll tell you why. Moral fervor.
Do you know what moral fervor is? Morals are those things we believe are right. Fervor is our intensity of feeling. Combine them, and we have intense feeling of what is right. And therein lies the real potential danger. If we feel intensely right about the wrong things, we’ll be intensely wrong but think we’re right. That was the problem with the Pharisees. They were intensely wrong about the rightness of their view of God’s law. Looking at the letter, they missed the Savior. Their moral fervor was their deepest evil. It was their intention to serve God without crucifying their flesh first. They felt virtuous, as if they were the ones truly serving God when, in reality, they were the ones who killed him. Believing they were the defenders of the holy, they crucified the Holy One. And they felt good about it.
We must be deeply suspicious of our moral fervor. How can we do that? We can do it by looking to Jesus and his gospel. That’s what Paul did before getting to chapter 4. Look at the first word of verse 1, “Therefore.” What is “therefore” there for? To say, “In light of all the gospel truth I just explain, do this...” Before Paul entreated Euodia and Syntyche to agree in the Lord, he told them about the Lord. Before he asked for the church to help them agree in the Lord, he told them about the Lord. Before he exhorted them to rejoice in the Lord, he told them about the Lord. Our path away from moral fervor and into gospel fervor is the gospel itself. It’s looking to Jesus and letting his truth so saturate our minds and hearts that we’re able to see what is worth fighting over and what is worth getting over.
We have many disagreements. We always will. But the gospel gives us something to agree on that’s bigger than our disagreements. Let’s not complicate that. Let’s not let other, lesser things slip in and cause disruption. Let’s keep the gospel front and center. Jesus is a bigger rallying point than anything else this world has to offer. He’s calling us to himself, and as we cast our eyes upon him moment by moment, he will create in us a unity that shocks the world.
And more than that, he will deploy us all inside his church to be peacemakers for his glory, which is our second point.
Jesus’s grace makes us all helpers in making peace
Francis Schaeffer makes a profound observation about disagreements inside the church.
I have observed one thing among true Christians in their differences in many countries—what leaves a bitterness that can last for twenty, thirty or forty years (or for fifty or sixty years in a son’s memory)—is not the issue of doctrine or belief which caused the differences in the first place. Invariably it is lack of love—and the bitter things that are said by true Christians in the midst of differences… It is these things—these unloving attitudes and words—that cause the stench that the world can smell in the church of Jesus Christ among those who are really true Christians.
In other words, how we disagree has long-term implications. Live long enough with anyone and you’re bound to disagree with them. Which marriage doesn’t have disagreements? Which friendships don’t? The mark of a good marriage or a good friendship or a good church culture is not the absence of disagreement but how those disagreements are handled.
A gospel culture includes wisdom in disagreeing well at all levels. In every disagreement, there aren’t just sides to take but people to bring together for Jesus’s sake. Every disagreement is an opportunity to be a peacemaker in the house of God.
How can we make peace? Well, look back at this passage. Paul not only gave the how, but he also modeled the way. Paul disagreed with the disagreement between Euodia and Syntyche. He also knew there was a certain way to disagree with their disagreement, a way that had a high chance of bringing peace instead of adding fuel to the fire. How did he do that? Look at verse 1. He front-loaded this with his love for them. He wanted them to know that despite his disagreement with their disagreement, what mattered most to him was his love for them—and not just them, but the entire church.
Look at the words he used in verse 1: My brothers (by which Paul also means sisters—a footnote in your Bible), whom I love and long for, my joy and crown…my beloved. This is the most affectionate language Paul used anywhere in all his letters. It’s familial. They were his brothers and sisters whom he deeply loved and rejoiced in. He saw them as his reward and his crown. This church, with all their problems, was Paul’s proof that he had not labored in vain.
Remember, Paul was an apostle. He could have wielded that apostolic authority by making commands. But he didn’t. Instead, look at what he did. He said in verse 2, “I entreat…” Rather than command them to shape up, he entreated them to agree. Instead of standing over them, he came alongside them. When Paul addressed the disagreement, he let his deepest feelings for them set the tone. We don’t always do that. We lead off with our momentary feelings of anger or disappointment. But what might happen if we let our love speak first?
Paul wanted them to agree. But not just via some mild compromise. Notice the kind of agreement he urged upon them: “agree in the Lord.” Paul used this phrase “in the Lord” three times in these four verses. Throughout his NT writings, he used some variation of it about 160 times. It was important to him. What does it mean? Theologians call it union with Christ. When Christ saves us, he unites us to himself. We are now one with him, as our bodies with our head (1 Corinthian 12), as a wife with her husband (Ephesians 5), as branches with the vine (John 15). That changes everything. Our whole reality is different because of it. For example, maybe you feel weak, but the truth is that because you are united to Christ, you have the industrial-strength Jesus holding you up. Maybe you feel insecure in your relationship with God, but the truth is because you are united to Christ, you are as secure as Christ is. Whatever he is you are now by this union. You cannot think of yourself apart from him. You are united to him forever, by his grace and for his glory.
Now, that has an impact on how we disagree with one another, doesn’t it? If I’m in Christ and you’re in Christ and we disagree, the nature of our disagreement is not like the disagreements we find out in the world. How could it be? We’re members together in Christ's body! How does your hand disagree with your leg so that it cuts it off because it disagrees? That’s unthinkable. So it is between two believers in Christ Jesus our Lord.
We disagree on different terms entirely. The gospel knows nothing of cancel culture. Paul urged these ladies to let what was most true about them—their union with Christ—overcome whatever separated them. He wanted them to get on the same page with one another for Jesus’s sake and for the advancement of the gospel. He wanted them to think with the Lord’s mind, not theirs. As he said in 2:2, “Complete my joy by being of the same mind.”
We have something holy joining us together because the Holy One has joined us to himself. That changes things. It means we don’t have an option to disagree without seeking peace. Paul knew all too well that it’s possible for our disagreements to so get in the way that there isn’t another option but separation. But that shouldn’t be the norm. Too often we just give up way too easily, and too often those watching just let it happen. After all, in our day, there is another church down the road. But one day, Jesus will cleanse us totally and remake us entirely and we will live in harmony with one another for eternity. If he will do that then, can he not give us a taste of it now as we look to him for the grace to help?
Paul wanted them to also see that they weren’t alone. He had words for others in the church as well. Look at verse 3. This is a community project. He asked others to get involved in the disagreement. “Yes (yes, it’s their responsibility to agree, but…), I ask you also, true companion, help these women.” Now, we don’t know who this “true companion” is. But we can see Paul wanted these women to agree so much that he leveraged other relationships in the church to help repair this one. He recruited peacemakers.
Why would he do this? Because these women mattered greatly not only to Paul but to the whole church. Their disagreement rippled out to the edges of their community. They weren’t just two random women, as some have said, “bickering as women do.” First, that’s incredibly sexist, and second, it’s just not true. The church in Philippi consisted of some amazing women who served in gospel ministry at various biblical capacities. Notice Paul said Euodia and Syntyche labored side by side with him in the gospel. Literally, he said they fought with him as soldiers advancing side by side. These were impressive, fearless, courageous, bold, gospel-saturated women. They served, Paul said, “together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.”
Maybe you’ve witnessed two respected Christian people disagree with one another. It's rattling, isn’t it? You look at each and think, “I know they love Jesus. I know they understand the gospel. I’ve seen their life. I admire each of them. But they can’t get along. What’s going on?”
When that happens, we tend to do one of two things. We tend to take sides or withdraw. But Paul says there’s a third option. Instead of taking sides, and instead of withdrawing, he entreated the two ladies to agree in the Lord and he enlisted the church to help them do so.
Because Jesus cares about our relationships with one another, he gathers us as the Church to help one another. You can’t see it as clearly in English as you can in Greek, but Paul used the word with repeatedly. The true companion is to “yoke with” Paul in helping them. The help given is to “hold with” them because they have “contended with” Paul for the gospel and they are part of a group of fellow workers who “work with” Paul. There is a with-ness in the church created and sustained by Jesus. We’re in this together. Disagreements may mark the world, but with-ness ought to mark the church.
In Christ's church, we have something binding us together far beyond our shared goals or aspirations. What binds us together is the grace of God found in Jesus Christ. Look at the end of verse 3. Paul talked about this binding together by referring to something literally bound together, a book. Why should this church help these ladies agree in the Lord? Because their names are, together, “in the book of life.” Why did he mention this “book of life”? The same reason he asked them to agree “in the Lord.” He leveraged their future for their present, reminding them that what binds them together is far greater than what pulls them apart.
This is so important to remember when we disagree with another Christian. Because your name, beloved, is written in God’s book of life, securing your spot in heaven with him forever, the name that sits on another page in the same book will also be there with you and him in heaven forever. So why not agree now? Why not let that future day impact this present day? Why not find in Jesus Christ so much to agree on that you forget what you ever disagreed about?
When we continue our disagreements, as Schaeffer said, leaving a lasting bitterness, we’re saying to Jesus, “You don’t really matter in this.” But when we seek peace together in the face of disagreement, we say to Jesus, “You matter above all.” Don’t we want to say that to him?
This is not easy. I’m not saying it is. Paul didn’t say it was. But it is possible. And with a church family reminding one another of the immense worth of Jesus Christ, we can find a way through even the sharpest disagreement and find joy in the Lord.
When all else fails, rejoicing in Jesus is our point of agreement
Look at verse 4. This is an amazing verse. “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.” Why did Paul say this after entreating them to agree and calling upon the church to help them? Because the thing that will get us through the hardest of times is rejoicing in the Lord.
As my friend TJ Tims at Immanuel Church once said, this verse shows the difference that Jesus makes. Here it is. When we are in the middle of our most bitter disagreements, there is a mutual focus of rejoicing that can bring us together because Jesus Christ is reconciling all things in himself, as Colossians 1:2 says, making peace by the blood of his cross.
Rejoicing isn’t always easy, of course. But Paul knew that. Karl Barth, the famous 20th-century theologian, said “joy” in Philippians is a defiant “Nevertheless!” Nevertheless, “Rejoice!” Despite the circumstances, rejoice. Whatever is happening, rejoice. This is a biblical imperative that, as theologian R.C. Sproul said, leaves no room for not rejoicing. We are to rejoice not sometimes, not periodically, not when we feel like it, not when things go our way, not when we finally get relief, but always. And in case we don’t get it the first time, Paul says it twice. “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.”
Now, this is a bit troubling for someone like me. I don’t always rejoice. Sometimes I rejoice. Mostly, though, I’m just anxious. Anxiety is a battle I'm constantly fighting, and it’s a great joy-stealer. But I love the way R.C. Sproul explains how this can be true even for me.
How is it possible to remain joyful all the time? Paul gives us the key: “Rejoice in the Lord always” (emphasis added). The key to the Christian’s joy is its source, which is the Lord. If Christ is in me and I am in Him, that relationship is not a sometimes experience. The Christian is always in the Lord and the Lord is always in the Christian, and that is always a reason for joy. Even if the Christian cannot rejoice in his circumstances, if he finds himself passing through pain, sorrow, or grief, he still can rejoice in Christ. We rejoice in the Lord, and since He never leaves us or forsakes us, we can rejoice always.
Nevertheless, rejoice!
Okay. That’s all well and good, but how does this connect to Paul’s entreaty above? It connects like the engine to the car. It’s the thing that moves us. Two passengers are seated, going in a common direction and something comes between them. But they’re still moving because the engine is still running. That’s what rejoicing in the Lord does. It keeps us moving toward our destination together. If the engine is still humming, we’re still making progress. We might wish we were going faster. But we’re moving. Jesus is taking us there.
Rejoicing in the Lord is the engine that moves us along together toward him. When we struggle to find common ground on other things, we can always find common ground in him. Why? Because he died to join us together in him.
Maybe we don’t think of that in the heat of disagreement, but we should because it’s what’s most true about us. Whatever our differences, the gospel is one mega-truth that unites us. The reconciliation Jesus bought by his blood is not up to our moods; it’s up to his grace. And if he’s swept us up in him together, well, we can argue if we want to, but we cannot overcome his love. We can only yield.
How do we yield? By rejoicing. When we rejoice in Christ, especially together, we’re saying something magnificent about who he is. We’re saying that Jesus matters more than what divides us. We can’t fix our issues, but Jesus can.
You know, if anyone ought to disagree with us, shouldn’t it be God himself? After all, we rebelled against him. We sinned against him. We disagreed with his word and said to him, “You’re not good enough for me.” Shouldn’t he abandon us as we’ve abandoned him? But what did he do instead? He gave his only begotten Son. He entered our mess in Christ. He lived the life we should have lived and died the death we were owed to bring us back. He overcame our disagreement with him by making peace with us on the cross. He did that for me. He did that for you. He did that for all who look to him by faith and accept his offer of reconciliation.
So, you and I may disagree on things from time to time, but can we at least agree on the glory of Jesus Christ? If we can, we’re already getting more traction with one another than we might realize.
Let’s just lookout ahead. One day, we will stand side by side with the other believers saved by Jesus. We will rejoice as we never have before. And we might remember the disagreements that separated us here, but more than that, we will look at one another on that day and think, “Can you believe we’re here together? What grace!” And we will rejoice and rejoice and rejoice. So, why not start that now and see where the grace of Jesus can take us?
“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.”
Let’s pray.
